A Friendly Blog by Ryan Hamilton

If I ever write a book, maybe this will be the introduction

At the time of this writing, I am a professional stand-up comedian, meaning not only do I write and perform comedy for money, but I do live at poverty level, which is a skill all it’s own. I also want to be a writer, not because I want to sneak further down the poverty ladder, but because, simply, I love to write.

If you are reading this, then I have been successful in that endeavor. If you are not reading this but you are still holding this book open to this page, then you are either illiterate, or, more likely, bored. If by the small chance you are illiterate and holding my book in your hand staring at this page, hello.

I’d like to say that the first real problem I encountered in writing this book was coming up with what to write about, but I have a solution: I will write/am writing the introduction to this book before I have written any other part of it. I’m hoping that by writing the introduction first, it will give me direction on what the book will be/is about. My logic goes this way: Introductions to books provide a good description of what a book is about, so if I can just get the introduction finished, it should push me off in the right direction when I go back and read it.

So….

As I said earlier, I am a stand-up comedian. I enjoy that very much. What I didn’t say earlier was this…

I like pork. I really do. I think it’s a great alternative to chicken, as the ads imply. (Please ignore this paragraph as I don’t/didn’t want to make it the focus of my book. It just is slipping/slipped out.)

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank all the people who helped/will help me write this astounding work yet to be completed. Thank you immensely in advance. If you are currently reading this, then thank you in the present.

On second thought, I take that back. I’m not sure anyone has helped/will need to help me write a book about myself. (Is this book about myself?) Yes, I think it is/will be, apparently! I think writing a book about myself is/will be beneficial in many ways. First of all, I have permission to research my subject. I’ll keep/did keep myself completely open and accessible in that regard. Also, I will have/did have complete control over how I will be/was portrayed, and I think the most rewarding way to portray myself to the reader will be/was honestly/honesty, which means I will have to tell you/did tell you about my superpowers and the time I used a hair net to catch goldfish returned to life out of the toilet.

I fear that people think I’m arrogant because I am writing/did write a book about myself. I fear it, but I also agree with it because I’m sure I am/was at least somewhat arrogant. But, I also think that if those people give this book a chance and read it, they will find that most of what I will/did say about myself is not at all flattering. Look at it this way, it’s hard to interpret wetting your pants in front of a live audience as arrogance, but maybe someone out there will.

Bottomline: I just want/wanted to write, and it seems/did seem beneficial for me to write about something I know. I know about myself. So, I will/did write about me, but you don’t have to read it. Really, I don’t care either way as long as you purchase it. I’m writing this more for me than I am for you anyway, especially if you are illiterate, as I am. Time to get writing.

Posted by ryan at August 11, 2004 02:00 PM