I may shock you here, but I've never been a fantastic athlete. In high school I tried out for the basketball team every year and never made it. That's embarrassing because I come from a small school. Even the mascot was warming the bench while I'm in the bleachers--coach said we had to have at least one fan.
I was pathetic when it came to sports. I'd show up to a pick up game with the wrong equipment. Have you ever tried dribbling a football? It looks ridiculous at a a tennis match.
I think certain moments pass through our lives that truly are crossroads, moments that define who we are more radically than most other moments. These are instances we don't easily forget and refer back to when making crucial decisions. I'm speaking of life changing experiences. Today I saw a T-shirt on a kid that I believe referred to one such defining moment from his life. It said, "Winnemucca Rodeo Bible Camp."
Now, Winnemucca is a small town in Nevada, but I can only imagine what Rodeo Bible Camp is. I've been going through the options in my mind, and I believe it must be exactly what it claims, a biblical bronc bustn' gettaway.
If I ever get the chance, I'd like to go to Rodeo Bible Camp. How many places can there be that allow me to study theology and rope a calf? None, if you don't count college.
Today I got lost and found myself at an army chemical depot somewhere on the border of Washington and Oregon. I was looking for a place to fill the gas tank, but
I was discouraged by the missiles guarding the entrance.
The firepower wasn't as threatening as it could be. I think they were spray painted from the original grey color to a more patriotic red, white and blue. These were obviously relics of a war gone by spruced up to adorn the entrance. I think that's a good use for old weapons. I'd like some missiles for my own. Maybe I could get someone crafty to make them suitable for my mantle. Maybe some decopage (spelling?) or toll paint would be just the thing.
I hope I never marry Jessica Simpson. If I ever consider it, please politely run over me with a backhoe. I think she's beautiful. I also think she's got less common sense than a piece of pavement.
I watched her new show on MTV today. If you don't know, believe me when I say it's ok if you don't know, she's married to a former member of Ninety-Eight Degrees, the sensational boy band that took over when the Backstreet Boys' reign expired like a gallon of milk. But, that's all beside the point.
The point is, J. Simpson and her husband are allowing their lives to be put on film and shown to the world. It's like The Osbournes only harder to swallow. Really.
Jessica Simpson can't do laundry because the folding "sucks." Jessica Simpson has never "cleaned her room" in her life. Jessica Simpson can spend $750 on two pairs of bras and panties without knowing it. Jessica Simpson can't live without a maid. Jessica Simpson can't make a decision without her mother. Jessica Simpson can look pretty and sing. Jessica Simpson can't gain my respect until her attitude changes.
I can't keep watching this much TV, but I can do my own laundry.
As far as spending money goes, there are limitless options. The main inhibitor to buying things is the money and not the items for sale. At least, that's what I've found. I suppose this is convenient for some people--the type of people who own a lot of money. For the other people, people without a lot of money, buying things becomes more difficult.
Someday I plan on having enough money to make purchases. Included on my future purchases list are reliable transportation, comfortable shelter and a decent spatula. These things are not important to us today.
What I'd like to discuss are the large number of items available in the marketplace that should never be purchased by anyone ever. Most of these items can be found at truck stops, but I've also found many of these items in museums and in gas stations close to national parks.
I suppose a piece of 10,000-year-old wooly mammoth tusk might be something you really should buy if you're a wooly mammoth fanatic or gullible, but other than that I say hold off. I actually saw this item for sale today at the foot of Seattle's Space Needle. I'm still trying to determine the connection between mammoth tusks and the Space Needle, and I think I'm wasting my time.
The point is if you're considering spending money at any of the previously mentioned locations, please take a minute to send the money to me. I'll gladly redirect your scratch toward wise purchases. So, if you ever feel like you need to pick up a lucky rabbit's foot or a bag of polished rocks or a ceramic dragon holding a snow globe or a rock that predicts the weather or a ceramic kitten reading a poem or a wooden pen or a piece of prehistoric, petrified meat loaf or old fashioned candy that may or may not be petrified meat loaf or anything ceramic please have some respect for people without a limitless supply of money and don't buy it.
Today I turned on the television. The newest Star Wars movie was on, so I decided to watch because I like that scene that pits Yoda in a light saber duel. I noticed they were speaking another language, and I assumed it was one of those Star Wars languages. I wondered where the subtitles were, but didn't worry about it. I swear to you...I watched for probably two full minutes before I realized the entire movie was dubbed in Spanish. I guess those three years in high school didn't pay off for me.