I think I might be ruining my vocal chords in order to make people laugh. I have a joke that requires me to imitate getting the wind knocked out of me. My voice hurts lately, and I think that's the reason. I'm still not sure why my frail ego hurts. Hopefully, my doctor can tell me if it might be related.
So, in order to preserve my beautiful singing voice and my auctioneer career, I'm going to try and replace the joke with something that only requires me to talk normally, instead of squawking like a trash compactor. If my new joke is funny, that may also help with my frail ego. If it's not, I may start doing extensive crowd rap at my shows which should easily allow me to go into further debt. But, the good news is, I win either way!
Let me be honest and say that yes, I have questioned what makes a person drive two days to get to a remote corner of Iowa, tell some jokes, sleep, write some jokes (not funny ones), tell some jokes again, not sleep, drive, fly back to the starting point, sleep twice and then drive to Montana to tell jokes there. I have questioned this because I seem to do this sort of thing often. Right now, I am starting the first sleep in the sleep twice portion, and I feel a little like I'm ending the longest day of my life, again.
I recently returned from a weekend in Seattle. I left on a Wednesday and got home on Monday--shows in Seattle Thurs, Fri and Sat--and, I ended up picking up a feature spot in Boise on the way due to a drop out. It worked out perfect for me. I got to Boise about showtime, did the show, hopped back in the car and drove a few more hours. I tried to get a room in Boise, but everything in a reasonable price range was booked for a river festival of some sort, at least that's what one person told me. And, I'm sure you know the sort of festival that celebrates rivers will fill up a motel 6 fast. That's what I learned. But, I think it's healthy to sleep in my car once in a while. It keeps me focused on the real reasons I do this crazy thing.
I did learn how to sleep in my car better. I folded down the rear seats and cleared out enough space in the trunk so that I could almost stretch all the way out! It's much better than the leaning-the-passenger-seat-back-as-far-as-it-will-go method. Not that I sleep in my car that often, but probably more than most normal people; although it is Hyundai, so I always have that option available to me.
The worst part about sleeping in the car is the lack of opportunity to get ready to go to sleep. It's just not fun to wash your face at a rest area--I have found this to be true in every case. Actually, all around this was not a good sleeping trip. Slept on a friend's couch in Seattle--a large step up from a car but still not an actual bed. This isn't the case with most comedy work. I usually have a room provided by the club. I just tell you this because I'd hate you to think that my life is spent on couches and in youth hostels and in the trunk of my car. It's not like that. It's more like hotels and motels and Barnes and Nobles.
The shows were fun all week with good crowds--one on the rowdy side, with some real honest to goodness heckler types from Australia who refuse to admit that they speak English in their country. "We speak Australian," they would say. cool, mate.
Went to a barbecue at my cousin's house on Saturday and watched him get pushed into the pool. Later he taught me how to play video games again. They are much different than I remember them to be.
Sunday I went to church in Seattle and caught up with some friends and then got in the car and drove to Boise where I stayed at another cousin's home who doesn't have a pool, but does have a new baby daughter.
Home on Monday.
Took a little trip this evening to get back to nature. Utah is one of those places that you can go from the city to a crowded picnic area in no time.
I really wanted to get some nature up in my grill, so I took some wood purchased from a convenience store and some kindling that I found in my mailbox earlier in the day and built a small fire to melt marshmallows over. I learned a lot about myself from that experience. For one thing, I know I don't like marshmallows, but fortunately, I also brought hotdogs, which happen to be the meat equivalent to marshmallows. I understand this now. Nature taught me. I think it was the gentle rolling stream whispering to me, "Take your processed foods elsewhere."
I was ashamed somewhat, so I sat down on a plastic table to contemplate the glory of what the land was trying to speak to me. Then, I saw a white domestic house cat run out of the woods across the pavement toward a drinking fountain, and I thought, "what exactly am I to learn from this?" I still don't have the answer, but I do know this much--I will be returning to nature soon, but next time, I am going to bring a tent and a television and stay a while. Who knows what I might learn then.
It's time for my 163rd Semiannual General Blog--The last time I updated this was March, and I was in Alaska. Now, it's July, and I'm in Utah. You'd think I'd have something to write about.
Let's try this...Last night was Friday, and I didn't even do a show. Something must be wrong with me. I went to see Spider Man 2 instead, and it was a good movie. Eventhough I don't have superpowers, I'm not an orphan, and I don't have a girlfriend who calls me Tiger, I totally relate to Peter Parker. Seriously.
Went to IHOP after the cinema, and what a lucky break it was, for IHOP happened to be celebrating South Pacific culture (for a limited time) by giving waitresses grass skirts made out of plastic to wear over their jeans. Beanie babies shaped like parrots were pinned to the ceiling. Other accoutrements adorned the walls creating an atmosphere like an elementary school classroom. For some reason I wanted Jimmy Buffet to be playing in the background, but instead I got a menu featuring a tribute to Edie Money's 'THREE Tickets to Paradise' (www.ihop.com)which were various forms of pancakes with ice cream. The meal also came with side dishes including bacon and hashbrowns. I actually heard myself say to our unpolynesian waitress, "I'll have the same, but instead of ice cream and bacon, I'll have yogurt and sausage." It was actually pretty good.
I'll try and write here more often, that shouldn't be hard.